I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
