i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
