Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
