I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
