i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
