bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
