i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
