your room smells of hookers.
And success
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
