She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
