lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have post one night stand depression
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
