I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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