I wish i was in the wii world.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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