stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
