I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
