just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
