Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
