You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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