I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
