if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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