My first STD was from a foam party
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize