I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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