I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
