take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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