If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
