I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
