Christians are straight up FREAKS
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
