the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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