I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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