i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
