SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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