Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
