Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
