Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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