we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize