i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize