I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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