is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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