Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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