literally had 100 drinks last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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