its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I love you. Go after that dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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