Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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