I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
