i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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