well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize