there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You can't just leave with hair like that
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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