sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
