Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
