It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
