Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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