$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
