Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she smelled like a LAN party
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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