We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
