is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
