OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
