I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You did what with his pubic hair?
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