im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
