the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
