are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
