You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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