Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
