Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
