I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
