I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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