It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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